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Here is an article released today on the New York Times.

Link here

I will comment on  this later, as I am still gathering my thoughts and analysis on this piece. However my initial thoughts to this article are two things.

1) 2012. You’re having a laugh.

2) Common words used throughout: Embarrassment, shame, stigma, and disgrace. These words used to describe adoption are great indicators as to how we, the adoptees feel. It is no wonder that such ideals are passed on to us. I guess it starts at the top.


I by rule try to stay away form AP/PAP blogs. I also by rule try to stay out of discussions with AP/PAP’s on other peoples blogs and forums. I guess I really just don’t want to be involved with the whole foray of having to justify my feelings or convey my point of view, because really why should I have to. These are my feelings, I try to own them as best I can, but at the end of the day I am not here to help AP’s or PAP’s try to do a better job than my parents did.

I want to say first and foremost, my parents did a pretty spectacular job raising me. I mean if I do say so myself I am pretty stand up guy, and I attribute a lot of my most becoming characteristics to them. However I will say that they have a lot of work to do in understanding who I am becoming as it relates to my feeling on adoption, family, adulthood, loss, etc. etc. I also want to point out that despite their parenting prowess I really do believe that they never saw a lot of this “angry adoptee” stuff coming. So really I don’t fault or blame them for not understanding what is going on with me, but, but really they should be doing a bit more than sweeping my feelings and my views on the whole lot under the rug. Yes I am older now, yes I am pretty much a full fledged adult, but parenting is something that lasts a lifetime. And to think that I am the same person at 22 that I was at 12 would be a major oversight and a bit naive if you ask me.

This is definitely a new age for AP’s and PAP’s . Unlike my parents who had no internet, no blogs, no forums to read from, this new crop of AP’s has a plethora of resources to take advantage of. However the more and more I read(although I try not to read AP blogs) the more and I more I am convinced that nothing will change. My feelings on it are never really swayed as to think that AP’s get it and that another child out there will be spared the pain and agony that I have so wonderfully discovered. I think that despite the outpouring of love and affection a parent gives and even with the application of culture, diversity, and discovery, it is my opinion that there are inherent problems that reside within every adoptee, whether they are aware of it or not. And with that I must say bravo to those adoptees who have enough strength to suppress the questions, and the pain. My hat is off to the proverbial hairdresser’s cousins adopted daughter, and your friends high school sweethearts BFF’s brother who are totally “cool” with being adopted.

But what is really on my tits currently, and this comes from reading some AP’s blogs and their comments on adoptees blogs is this feeling I get that AP’s are just the best shit since sliced bread. This statement may come off as crude and undeveloped but I really could give a toss. I call it as I see and it and the way I see it is despite all the posturing of being proper and the faining to be enlightened and open, I just see the dross. I see AP’s touting the strides they are making to adjust their kids to being different, I see them putting on display their newly bought little angles that they put in demeaning little t-shirts. I see them attack adoptee’s for having a voice and for feeling that way that A LOT of us do. All we really want as adoptee’s is to have a voice and a place where we can find solace in others, knowing that someone understands our feelings. And that is what I percieve as a problem witha  lot of AP’s. Despite your words and your posts we will always feel as though you are intruding on our space. I will always feel that AP’s see the win-win side of adoption even when they say they see our pain and our struggle, you don’t and you can’t. I believe that you only see it as the love you’re giving and the life you’re providing for a child. It is almost like God complex and it is driving me crazy. Maybe some of you are doing the “right things” and if you believe so then fine, I don’t want to hear about it. Just leave it out and let us have our little community.

I want to finish this by saying shame on you for expecting so much of us. For asking us to take on yet another responsibility. That we are expected to be the voice and the knowledge for all you new AP’s out there and at the same time we are blasted for being honest and open about our feelings. We do as best we can in the only way we know how. What we experience is still somewhat uncharted waters and we are just trying to make it work. So get off it and leave us be.

Note: To all AP’s who might want to post on this. Go ahead bring the noise, defend yourself. But keep in mind I write this for me and I write this for my fellow adoptee’s. It is not for you and I never posture myself as any sort medium for AP’s. Again I do this for me and for those who share my situation. Oh and don’t give me your pitty or your *hugs* i don’t need them, not from you.