What makes family? What binds me to the people I call Mom and Dad? What is the truly makes people stay together?

For an adoptee this is a tough questions. Most of us are brought up believing that it’s not blood or genes or looks that make a family. We are told it’s the love that our moms and dads, or moms, or dads have for us that makes us a family. The ideal that love conquers all boundries and despite or obvious difference we are in fact part of a family.

The fact that we are bought and sold like any other consumer good, the fact that we come with paper work and documents like that of a new car, the fact that we are not connected physically or genealogically, all these things don’t matter, because there is love. And desire, lest we not forget that. The desire of our AP’s to parent another being makes us a family. Right?

Well all those things matter to me. The fact that my brother is blatant bigot makes me want nothing to do with you and your family. The fact that I possess none of your traits makes me reject this idea of family. The fact that by default I am bound to you because I was bought. I have become increasingly suspicious over this whole family idea. I mean it is if I am indebted to you for the rest of my life for taking me in and making me part of your family. Well frankly I ain’t havin’ it.

I owe you nothing and I will not be guilted. I am not bound to you and I owe you nothing. I had no choice as to what happened to me, to be honest I would have much preferred to rot in a place where I look and speak like everyone else than, waste away in angst in a place where I just don’t belong.

The fact that you say the same thing to me when I try and explain my feelings as you did when I bought you that new computer. You just don’t get it and you throw your hands up and walk away. You are resigned to the fact that there are things you don’t understand and make no effort to understand.

Wheeling and dealing in human being is never a wise proposition regardless of how noble the intent is. Human beings were never meant to be bought and sold like commodities. Once you put a price on a persons head you are marginalizing that person down to the level of any ordinary material good. But we are more complicated than that. We live, we breath, we think, we act with a free will.

These feelings that I harbor are not wrong and it is negligent for you to make me feel as though they are unjust.

Also as a quick side note: Fuck you “Sex and the City” and “Then she found me” both movies in which Asian adoptees are viewed as fashionable accessories for affluent white folk. Shame on you. And piss off creators of spell check function everywhere. “Adoptee” is a word so don’t underline it in red every time I use it.

Note: This is a post I have been sitting on for a while now and I just want to get it out of my drafts page. It is choppy to say the least, but this is a topic that I have been having an increasing amount of trouble with lately. This will most likely be edited many times.

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