Lately i have felt as if my bearings are a little off, as if the compass points south when it should be pointing north. My mind and my heart are following two different points in this forked path. I know which way I want to go (or do I?) but my feet keep walking the tired worn path.

A compass is a pretty simple device ya know. Using magnets, the the natural field of magnetism that encompasses our earth, the little arrow will always finds north. So no matter where you are you’ll always be able to find you way, simple right. Well mine seems to be broken, or at the very least I can’t seem to read it right.

I tried going to church again, but God doesn’t seem to be revealing himself in a manner in which I can comprehend. I tried reading more books, with the thought that the classics might have known something about this life of mine, that didn’t work. I try just being alone with my thoughts, so that I might be able to sift through the mire, and what a bunch of bollocks thats turned out to be. Nature, maybe nature is the answer. So I sat out amongst the trees and snow and sun, nope, nothing. Ok then the bottle is always a good place to find some clarity, ( just a side note: getting on the drink never gets you anywhere) well all I have to show is a sore tummy.

So what’s up? What is a lost man supposed to do when the pillars on which he stood have crumbled and left him with nothing but rubble.

-Some shouts from the back say, “Pick yourself up son and build again”

-Others suggest, ‘The vantage point from the bottom is advantageous when mapping your way to the top”

-Finally squabbles emanate from the middle of the crowd declaring, ” Bitch! Give up. You’re not what you think, you’re a fraud”

Well fair enough to all of you who felt the liberty to just chime in like that. A bit of constructive input never hurt anybody. Well except me of course, I have a tendency for being a bit sensitive, not to mention thick headed. And lord only knows that if I didn’t come up with it first, well then it’s garbage. Absolute shite I say. But wait just a minute. Is this not what I have been going on about. All the things I used to know or all the choices I have made haven’t worked to this point, right? Right, well then fuck I’m done. I through my hands up.

I just needed to write something. This really doesn’t read well, but I suppose I don’t care so much.