We live and die by time. Always fighting the clock it seems. I surely can stop right here and right now. But the now will become that past and time will keep moving and I will fall farther and farther behind. When your tired and can no longer muster the strength to move along this line, when you simply give up, time keeps moving.

The cogs never stop, as they grind on steady and sure. I lie there bundled up in the cold, staring straight up into the night sky. The heavens never look so clear as the do in the winter cold. The stars twinkle and shine, and the moon illuminates the snow. The only thing impeding such a sight is my breath. The only thing on my mind is time.

How much more time will I have with you. I pray that it is benign. You said that I should be glad that I don’t share in the family genes. I’m not. Happiness would come from having the certainty that you will be here longer. That one day you’ll meet my wife and my kids.   That would make me happy.

So I lie here a little longer and he appears as he always does when I need him most. Orion has always been my favorite, I don’t know if you even know that. I’ll tell you when I come inside.  Maybe he represents you, maybe you are the provider, the hunter that Orion was. Sitting up there oh so prestigious on your throne in the sky. Your bow draw, ready to take down any beasts that might threaten that which is dear to you.

If our time ends you will always be my Orion, my protector.

I should tell you more, I shouldn’t be so cold, so distant. You ask why I am so angry, so mired with frustration. I’m sorry. Like a child I make mistakes without much thought to the repercussions,  and I am sorry. I’m sorry I am mean and childish, I’m sorry I don’t say the right things, I’m sorry I lash out in anger when all you do is love. I’m sorry.

You have always believed in me and you know that I will come good one day. I just hope your there to share it with me.

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