At the end of the day I wonder if a butterfly still think of itself as a caterpillar. Despite all of the changes a butterfly goes through in its core its still a caterpillar, right? A kid from the hood that goes on to be a professional athlete is still at his essence a kid from the hood, and even with all of the money he is still likely to get into the same type of trouble he went through in the hood. A head chef despite all of his knowledge and training and experience is still likely to sit down at a McDonalds and have a Big Mac, because before that chef ever dreamt of being a chef he surely was raised eating burgers and fries.

I am often left wondering that at the end of this journey will I still remain a caterpillar at heart. Will all the things I have learned and experienced along the way allow me to become the man that I dream I will become. Or will my core still remain that of a boy who longs for the love of a mother he never knew. Will I be steadfast in my ways and strong in my ethos. Or will I remain scared, tentative, and withdrawn.

I want to hold true the hope that I will become all the things I have dreamed. I want to know that a soul can be made clean and pure again. I want this feeling of desperation and sadness to exit me and make no return. I want my insecurities and my distrust to be a not a fleeting memory but nonexistent. Is it possible. I don’t know. I most likely wont know until the end of this long dust road has come to its end. But here’s to hope.

–Adios cocoon

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