I’m writing just because I need to. This is my therapy for today. Confused, scared, a loof, brain dead, exhausted, all things I’ve been feeling as of late. My life is way too complicated and if I don’t get some things out my tiny brain I fear it mayvery well explode. Seriously there soon may be brain matter all over my office. (haha I’m writing instead of working, but hey I can’t help it the economy is bad and sales are slow)

For those readers who don’t know, I’m getting married in June. And as elated as I am I must confess that I am aslo scared as hell. All of these “issues” are creeping around my brain and are as dangerous as ever. I’m fearing abandonment, being good enough, not bottling the whole thing. I want to know in my heart that I can make it and that I can make this work. But already things are so hard. Money, jobs, pressure, expectation. Can I meet all of these and take them head on, I just don’t feel like I’m good enough. Never in my life have I ever felt up to it when it comes to the big moments and arguably this is one of the biggest. So what am I to do with such a crap track record of coming out on top in times like these.

I guess this is why I’m turning to my trusty old blog, my online whaling board of sorts. It has been such a while since I’ve had the inspiration to write like I used to. Ever since she left this world I have found my self just so lacking for a voice. That’s not to say I don’t still carry my opinions. I read and comment and take in pieces from other peoples blogs, but I myself can’t seem to find any length of words to put down in my own little corner of the internets. I’m just so languid when it comes to that fire that used to reside in my heart, especially when it comes to my adoptee thoughts.