Comments on: I expected as much

By: Jae Ran

Jae Ran — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 17:29:16 +0000

I agree that there are few in their early to mid-20s that are critical thinkers regarding adoption. I wonder if the pressure to be compliant is so strong that they are afraid to express otherwise?

It’s always tough to be the only nail sticking up. Everyone wants to hammer you back down.

(hugs)

By: Sung-Kyun

Sung-Kyun — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 20:51:50 +0000

Jae-Ran, I must say that at my age (the ripe old 22) I feel totally secluded from the rest of the KAD’s and TRA’s I know. It is like I am the only person in my age group that feels this way. I am sure there are others out there, I just haven’t met them. Most of the TRA’s I meet that share my views are a bit older, and not that that’s a bad thing. It is just lonely I guess.

By: Jae Ran

Jae Ran — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 20:45:57 +0000

Sang-Shil, I totally agree with you about your comment that people come out and don’t go back in.

I think there are so many reasons that get people out of the fog and others that don’t. Another very well respected TRA told me just recently that perhaps (at least in this TRA’s perspective) “intelligence” has something to do with it. I think this person was intimiating that those who have the ability to be critical thinkers are the ones who can see through the cotton candy fluff.

I wonder if age is a factor, having kids, where you live – in general the broader your life has been the less likely you are to see adoption as just happy rainbow sprinkles?

By: Sung-Kyun

Sung-Kyun — Sat, 26 Jul 2008 17:27:56 +0000

SS- Yeah it really is a one way street isn’t it. I really do wonder if the people who are all sunny stay that way forever.

By: Sang-Shil

Sang-Shil — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 21:39:14 +0000

Although I am completely fine with people having different experiences and opinions about their adoptions (yes, including ones that *gasp* differ from mine), I can’t help thinking that the sunshine-and-rainbows folks are in for a rude awakening later in life.

I’ve seen A LOT of people come out of the adoption fog, but no one go back into it… and I have to think there’s a reason for that.

By: Sung-Kyun

Sung-Kyun — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 16:05:11 +0000

MH- This is an adoptees life isn’t it. Conflicting emotions, thoughts, feelings. The more and more I it on this and think, the more I am of the opinion that we may never find answers to any of this. I guess I just try and keep hope that I’ll someday find a bit of balance.

By: MH

MH — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 04:13:42 +0000

I think it’s totally natural to feel the way you did about the girl’s complacency with her adoption. Though (logically) the way that people live their lives shouldn’t have any bearing on the way you live yours…it seems different in regards to how people view their adoptions.

Maybe it’s b/c adoption is such a personal experience but we adoptees are all supposed to “turn out” the same way–happy, grateful, well-adjusted–poster children for pro adoption fodder. And that’s just not realistic…so when we (the “angry” adoptees) meet one of these said perfect poster children…it feels like an invalidation of ourselves and the way we perceive what has happened to us.

I feel like I’ve had these type of interactions a lot…each time coming away with differing, conflicting emotions. I feel frustrated that they don’t understand the underlying emotions surrounding adoption…disbelief that they could still believe the whole “happy adoption” rhetoric…but sometimes I feel envious, b/c I forget what it feels like to be naive and complacent and I wish I could turn back time to when things were straightforward and clear cut. There’s a simplicity in happiness that I will always lack b/c I can’t turn back time and pretend I don’t know the things that I do now.

What’s worse–being happy and completely naive? Or being jaded and knowing your own truth? I still don’t know, honestly…