Comments on: For Us http://completedbalanced.wordpress.com/2008/07/14/fos-us/ Sung-Kyun doing the best he can Mon, 09 Nov 2009 10:59:29 +0000 http://wordpress.com/ hourly 1 By: Sung-Kyun http://completedbalanced.wordpress.com/2008/07/14/fos-us/#comment-144 Sung-Kyun Wed, 23 Jul 2008 15:55:09 +0000 http://completedbalanced.wordpress.com/?p=80#comment-144 Thanks Min-Hee! I hope you do get back out there. Like I used to say, "do the damn thing". If we don't do it who will? My god would you think about the kids....the kids damn it!!!! Thanks Min-Hee! I hope you do get back out there. Like I used to say, “do the damn thing”. If we don’t do it who will? My god would you think about the kids….the kids damn it!!!!

]]> By: MH http://completedbalanced.wordpress.com/2008/07/14/fos-us/#comment-140 MH Wed, 23 Jul 2008 03:22:38 +0000 http://completedbalanced.wordpress.com/?p=80#comment-140 I think it's awesome that you're out there, blogging for yourself and not letting others take your voice from you. Good for you, dammit! :) As I've admitted, I've succumbed to tip toeing around the issues in the public sphere b/c of how fricken tiring it is to play the adoption blogging pariah. But...I'm TIRED of tip toeing around the things that need to be said. I think we need to take a trip down memory lane...aka angry adoptee lane...heehee! I think it’s awesome that you’re out there, blogging for yourself and not letting others take your voice from you. Good for you, dammit! :)

As I’ve admitted, I’ve succumbed to tip toeing around the issues in the public sphere b/c of how fricken tiring it is to play the adoption blogging pariah. But…I’m TIRED of tip toeing around the things that need to be said.

I think we need to take a trip down memory lane…aka angry adoptee lane…heehee!

]]> By: imtina http://completedbalanced.wordpress.com/2008/07/14/fos-us/#comment-137 imtina Sat, 19 Jul 2008 19:01:34 +0000 http://completedbalanced.wordpress.com/?p=80#comment-137 Yes, you're right. In the end, after everyone talks about compassion and validation, there is still pain and inherant loss in adoption. I grew up with the pressure you speak of. I understand it and still feel it too. In a perfect world, there would be no adoption, poverty (which leads to adoption) or abandonment of any kind. But, I do hope and wish that with more and more adoptees speaking and writing without censorship, that less and less adoptees will bottle up their own feelings about their adoptions and how it has affected their lives. Just speaking the truth is very important for the adoptee. My generation of adoptees were supposed to smile and keep on smiling. Your generation is better and cutting through the crap and being honest. Keep on writing. Tina Yes, you’re right. In the end, after everyone talks about compassion and validation, there is still pain and inherant loss in adoption. I grew up with the pressure you speak of. I understand it and still feel it too.

In a perfect world, there would be no adoption, poverty (which leads to adoption) or abandonment of any kind. But, I do hope and wish that with more and more adoptees speaking and writing without censorship, that less and less adoptees will bottle up their own feelings about their adoptions and how it has affected their lives. Just speaking the truth is very important for the adoptee. My generation of adoptees were supposed to smile and keep on smiling. Your generation is better and cutting through the crap and being honest.

Keep on writing.

Tina

]]> By: Sung-Kyun http://completedbalanced.wordpress.com/2008/07/14/fos-us/#comment-134 Sung-Kyun Wed, 16 Jul 2008 14:16:32 +0000 http://completedbalanced.wordpress.com/?p=80#comment-134 intina- I guess it just feels as though despite all of our best efforts we as adoptees are still so powerless in a lot of ways. as much as we blog, as much as we exchange views, things just seem to remain the same. I guess I just wish the whole system was scrapped. I think that even if we tear down all the illusions surrounding adoption and it's "benefits" there still exists at its core, a set of characteristics that are just negative and hurtful and can not be helped. Like loss, or rejection, or even love. I know love isn't supposed to be negative but the pressures and trapping of love from either a AP's side or a birth mothers side amount to tons of pressure being heaped onto an adoptees shoulders. The idea that our path was one chosen out of love makes it all the more difficult in an adoptees head when they deal with the issues and ideas that a lot of seem to discover. I know there are a lot of great people out there PAP's and AP's alike but I just feel that despite their best efforts there are things that hurt and things that can't be helped in easing the pain and struggle of adoptees. Coco- sorry I didn't respond to your other comment. I find that I am terrible at responding to these sort of things and I really just never know what to say. But thank you for your support and interest in this blog. I want to thank you for you kind words and your compassion. I know the strains and burden these type of situations bring and I just wish there was an easy solution. I still live deeply with the loss of my own creation. But again thank you for your support. intina- I guess it just feels as though despite all of our best efforts we as adoptees are still so powerless in a lot of ways. as much as we blog, as much as we exchange views, things just seem to remain the same. I guess I just wish the whole system was scrapped. I think that even if we tear down all the illusions surrounding adoption and it’s “benefits” there still exists at its core, a set of characteristics that are just negative and hurtful and can not be helped. Like loss, or rejection, or even love. I know love isn’t supposed to be negative but the pressures and trapping of love from either a AP’s side or a birth mothers side amount to tons of pressure being heaped onto an adoptees shoulders. The idea that our path was one chosen out of love makes it all the more difficult in an adoptees head when they deal with the issues and ideas that a lot of seem to discover. I know there are a lot of great people out there PAP’s and AP’s alike but I just feel that despite their best efforts there are things that hurt and things that can’t be helped in easing the pain and struggle of adoptees.

Coco- sorry I didn’t respond to your other comment. I find that I am terrible at responding to these sort of things and I really just never know what to say. But thank you for your support and interest in this blog. I want to thank you for you kind words and your compassion. I know the strains and burden these type of situations bring and I just wish there was an easy solution. I still live deeply with the loss of my own creation. But again thank you for your support.

]]> By: Coco http://completedbalanced.wordpress.com/2008/07/14/fos-us/#comment-133 Coco Wed, 16 Jul 2008 02:35:45 +0000 http://completedbalanced.wordpress.com/?p=80#comment-133 Oh. I am sad. Not because I wish for something "better" or "different" for you, in the sense that I want to be able to "take your pain (experiences) away, though I long to be able to bring you peace in some fashion. I long for that as a mother who made a mistake. A mistake I can never undo. Not speaking against her parents, not striking against them or any others. Yet as you said, wishing I could have known then what I know now. I am sad because, though I do see people learning and taking away a new sense of responsibility, in many (important, yet still less than the norm) cases, I also see the continued belief and subscription to the "adoption is love, and love is all you need" myth. I am sad. For you. For my daughter. For all. Oh. I am sad.

Not because I wish for something “better” or “different” for you, in the sense that I want to be able to “take your pain (experiences) away, though I long to be able to bring you peace in some fashion. I long for that as a mother who made a mistake. A mistake I can never undo. Not speaking against her parents, not striking against them or any others. Yet as you said, wishing I could have known then what I know now.

I am sad because, though I do see people learning and taking away a new sense of responsibility, in many (important, yet still less than the norm) cases, I also see the continued belief and subscription to the “adoption is love, and love is all you need” myth.

I am sad. For you. For my daughter. For all.

]]> By: imtina http://completedbalanced.wordpress.com/2008/07/14/fos-us/#comment-132 imtina Tue, 15 Jul 2008 06:39:47 +0000 http://completedbalanced.wordpress.com/?p=80#comment-132 No, adoptees don't owe anything to PAP's. Adoptee bloggers owe even less. The adoptee has, by definition, been around in the circumstances they are in because of what everyone else decided for them. Blogging honestly takes some of that imbalance of power back. The more adoptees blog about themselves, their feelings, the raw and the uncensored, it will chip away at all of those glass houses built on the win-win supposition. Keep on writing. If you have a moment, I wrote a post a month ago called 'if you are about to adopt - reset your compass' that addresses some of what you're talking about. Like Margie of Third mom and Judy of Just Enjoy Him, there are adoptive parents who get it. Anyway, I've been enjoying your blog. No, adoptees don’t owe anything to PAP’s. Adoptee bloggers owe even less. The adoptee has, by definition, been around in the circumstances they are in because of what everyone else decided for them. Blogging honestly takes some of that imbalance of power back. The more adoptees blog about themselves, their feelings, the raw and the uncensored, it will chip away at all of those glass houses built on the win-win supposition.

Keep on writing.

If you have a moment, I wrote a post a month ago called ‘if you are about to adopt – reset your compass’ that addresses some of what you’re talking about. Like Margie of Third mom and Judy of Just Enjoy Him, there are adoptive parents who get it.

Anyway, I’ve been enjoying your blog.

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